Boundaries

It’s 3am. You’re awake. Which one of these Dog Owners are you?

The Replayer

You are replaying yesterday’s events in your mind.

• “I can't believe I let that happen again. Why am I so bad at standing up for my dog? 
• ‘I'm failing my dog by not being more assertive.’ 
• ‘It's all my fault that we were put in that situation again.’ 
• ‘I should have known better. I'm just not good at this.”

The Re-writer

Perhaps you’re not just replaying events but rewriting them to give you a more favourable outcome. An outcome that didn’t end in shoulda woulda couldas…

• ‘I should have said, ‘Please don’t approach us, my dog is nervous around strangers.' 
• ‘I wish I'd been firm and told her it’s not okay to comment on my dog's behaviour; she doesn’t know the hard work we’re putting in.' 
• ‘I should have just said ‘no’ when they asked if their dog could meet mine.' 
• ‘I could have just said we had to leave. I saw the signs that my dog was getting uncomfortable. Why didn’t I just speak up?’

The Dreader

Maybe you’re not replaying yesterday’s events or rewriting them yet because you’re dreading the next day.

• “Why did I agree to this playdate when I know my dog isn't always comfortable with new dogs?’
• I should have trusted my gut and said no. Now, I'm stuck in this situation, and if anything goes wrong, it'll be my fault.’
• ‘I'm worried it'll be too much, and then I'll feel guilty for putting them in this position. How can I get out of it? I can’t, we’re stuck.’

The Self-Flagulator

Everything is your fault… or so it seems 😉

• “I just can't stand up for myself or my dog. Why am I so meek?’’
• ‘’It's like I lose my voice when I need it the most. Every time I don't use my voice, I let us both down.’’ 
• ‘’I keep telling myself I'll be braver next time, but when the moment comes, I freeze up again.’’ 
• ‘’I'm not strong enough. It’s pathetic.”

The Resenter

• “I can't believe they did that. Didn't they see how uncomfortable my dog was?’’ 
• ‘’She was just talking at me the whole time. I don’t even like the training methods she uses with her dogs.’’
• ‘’He’s so inconsiderate. It was obvious my dog needed space.’’ 

When you don’t advocate for your dog’s needs or your own, you get into situations you know you shouldn't be in. This can set back your dog’s progress, leave you feeling like a victim, a pushover and resentful of whoever imposed on your boundaries – boundaries that you did not make clear. 

There are plenty of different situations that you may need to set boundaries or advocate for your dog. From people or other dogs invading your space, to well-meaning – or not so well meaning – advice from family, friends, the random guy in the park. Or it could be with an authority figure, such as the vet. 

When you speak up for your dog, you ensure their well-being, happiness, and safety. But advocating for your dog is just a starting point to become more assertive in all areas of your life. The skills you develop and the confidence you gain from speaking up for your dog can seamlessly transfer to other situations, whether it's at work, within your family, or in social settings.

By speaking up for your dog, you're learning to identify their needs, articulate them clearly, and assert boundaries – all fundamental aspects of confidence. 

Let's start by acknowledging that using your voice can be challenging, especially if you're not used to asserting yourself. But consider this: 

Your dog relies on you to be their voice. They trust you to protect them and make the best decisions on their behalf. Advocating for your dog means standing up for their rights and well-being, ensuring that they receive the care, respect, space and protection they deserve.

Creating advocacy statements is a powerful way to begin. These are clear, assertive expressions of what your dog needs.